Conflict Resolution: What do you do when the kids argue?

Okay, so it happens and this video got me thinking about what to do when our own kids argue in the classroom.
I love to post about the fun and good times we all have in preschool, but there are clearly times where we as teachers need to step in and help kids problem solve.

"I said, NO! And I mean it!"

Conflict resolution is a beautiful thing when the kids argue. Much of the time they need a bit of help and guidance from us during an argument.
I say this because even in the happiest classrooms, it's not a matter of if, but when an argument erupts.

We would like to hear about about tried and true solutions for conflict resolution within your classroom!
So, how would you handle this situation in the video?
Would you have intervened? If so at what point?

The Slug Sandwich

Some things go down easier than others.

 Confronting parents about unpleasant situations with their child has never been at the top of my list. I usually bounce off of coworker or a good friend some of the best ways to approach a parent. I don't know what it is, somehow...they always know. No matter how cheery and delightful I try to be in suggesting a little chat.
Defenses are up immediately.
Then I heard about The Slug Sandwich.

Some things are unpleasant.

S= Sweetness mingled with
L=Love
U=The Unpleasant Parts doused with Understanding
G=Gentleness (Keep it on hand, no matter what reaction you receive)

I learned that a slug sandwich can be administered over a long period, not just within a conversation. I consider myself a pretty good cook but slug sandwiches can only be mastered with a few hard knocks.
I think the sweetness makes anything do down a bit easier.

Have you ever made a slug sandwich?

Lost In The Translation

Thank goodness I speak 'Preschooler'. Sometimes what little ones do and say don't quite match. Getting to truly know each child is the main goal of mine whenever they are with me.
Of course yelling and throwing slobbery fits is not an effective way of communication. But being angry or sad because you miss a parent is understandable.
I do a lot of dictation with little ones. When emotions get lost in the translation I'll ask them when they are calm if we can write a story or a letter about what they are feeling. In every case the children prefer to hold their special letter throughout the day. They play, laugh, join circle times and then happily deliver the letter to the family member.
I guess sometimes having someone to listen to your feelings really does validate them. Sometimes all we need is to know someone cares.

Preschool Curriculum Activities that Promote Socialization

"Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf."
~Jonatan Mårtensson

Helping young children to be socially aware has always been a passion of ours. I was said by Professor James Heckman (Noble Prize winning Economist) that as far as our future generations are concerned; social skills are just and important, if not more, than I.Q.
Starting another blog that dealt primarily with preschool curriculum revolving around personal awareness and social skills for young children was in order. We also found that these activities are great for all ages!
We hope you check it out and would love to hear your feedback.

All Together We're Better :Great preschool curriculm & teaching techniques that are adaptable for all ages. We are getting kids ready for the skills they need for success in life!

Time Outs in Early Childhood Education

Okay, I don't understand this time out thing. Maybe because I'm not very good at it. You see, I have been guilty of sending a child to the time out chair forgetting what the child did all together. 
Sigh.....
Since then I have changed the way I do things. I'll never forget the conversation I had with a child the day I realized time outs simply weren't for me. Here's how it went....

"Do you know why you have been sitting here in a time out, Tony?" I asked Tony as he squirmed in his.
"No, I forget."
(Uh-oh, now what was it....what was it....oh yes, I remember!)
"You hit Shannon." I reminded myself.
"No I didn't."
"Tony, we all saw you."
"I didn't hit him, he hitted me back."
"I see, so now that you've been sitting here for five minutes, did you think of something you could have done?"
"Yes."
"Tell me, please."
"If I hitted him sooner I would be out of time out by now."
(Okay, I clearly left this child waa-a-aay too long-sigh)

So, What works for you-please let us know...

you are the guy...

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

You're on your own.

And you know what you know.

You are the guy who'll decide where to go...

~Dr. Seuss

Friendship

"A true friend reaches for your 

hand and touches your heart."

~Attributed to Heather Pryor

I really appreciate the friendships I have formed though out the years. They has taught me to be a better wife, sister, friend and teacher. I'm don't know what I would do if I didn't have good friends to lean on...
I know that's why I enourage forming friendships with the children.
The best time to make a good trusted friend is well before you need them.

wrestling a gorilla.

It's a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you're tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired."
~ Robert Strauss

I am so glad that often times when I am just feeling like a plumb out of what to do in a situation, plain determination is a great substitute for creativity.
How about you?

Conflict Resolution Techniques in Early Childhood Education

 "Example is the school of mankind, 

and they will learn at no other."

~Edmund Burke

I sat on the floor in the Block Area when two preschoolers began to argue over the amount of blocks they had. I moved in closer and listened in. Here is how they resolved their issues though conflict resolution techniques. This is how the conversation went.

“What do you mean all these (blocks) are yours?”
“Mine!”
“But I had some, too!”
“Mine!”
“Gimme a break! Is that all you can say?”
The preschooler saying, “mine!” grabbed the rest of the blocks and proceeded to sit on them. It must have been rather uncomfortable by the look in his face. I could see the tension building so I offered a suggestion.
“How do you think we can solve this problem?” I asked.

“Let’s get Jessica and ask her.” The children chirped after seeing her walk by.

Jessica is fairly quite and unassuming but a child that is well liked and straight to the point. We let Jessica know what happened and by this time a small interested crowd gathered around one blockless child and a child perched a-top a small pile of wood blocks.
“So let’s get this straight,” Jessica reiterated the problem with her hands on her hips, "you want some of the ‘blockies’.”

“Yeah.” The first child said patiently.

“Okay,”she makes a mental note. “But you want all the ‘blockies’.”
“Yep.” The second child shifted on the block pile (I think he was getting tired).
Jessica shook her head. “But you can’t have everything ‘cause there is no place to put everything. My mommy even told me that.”
The crowd nodded their heads in agreement and the child got off the block pile.
Thanks Jessica, I’ll remember that one, too.

The Honorable Mention: Encouraging Persistance in Preschoolers

 Did you ever stop to think, 
and forget to start again?

~Winnie the Pooh

I love persistence. I think it’s an admirable trait. I think characteristics we have can be polished and buffed just like stones.
I saw children today working together to get a wagon out of the mud. They argued if anyone should be sitting in it at first. Little voices got shrill.
When everyone got out, no on could agree on which direction to pull.
The children argued again and little arms were waving.
Then they finally agreed  an a direction the wagon came free and they hopped around congratulating each other.
They got about ten feet and the wagon was stuck again.
There was finger pointing but they knew what to do.
Could I have jumped in at any point-sure. The kids looked back at me every now and then and knew I was there. To their credit, I said nothing. I smiled and waved...I gave them a nodding look of encouragement. What pleased me most was that the kids have these skills to work together and are not falling a part at the seams.
Not bad for thee-years-olds.

Sibling Rivalry In Early Childhood Education Environments

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the 
principal one was that they escaped teething. 
~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894
 

I have often worked with siblings in the preschool classroom. Twins, Triplets, on one occasion quadruples. I was so glad the mother chose not to dress them alike. What I have noticed is many parent usually have strong feelings about keeping the children either apart or together during the day in an early childhood setting. Everyone having small group times together, napping near each other and so on…I have found this interesting but not always in the child’s best interest-not every child is pleased as punch about that arrangement.
I was a middle child and doted heavily on my little sister who was about two years younger than me. Okay…I drove her up the wall. She has gorgeous children of her own and is a fabulous wife and mother and I still can’t see her past the age of 12.

My parents had me draw pictures of her while she was in her highchair just so I would keep my little sticky fingers off of her for a few seconds….my dad has told me that’s how I became an artist.
I look at the children and siblings playing within the early childhood setting. We often deal with conflict resolution, sibling rivalry, taking turns, sharing and tantrums.
Then I consider the skills the children build through the tears and laughter and hugs.
Even a plant needs a certain amount of stress to grow strong deep roots.
Future artists, doctors, lawyers,writers, engineers, ah-yes....teachers.....sigh. 
Isn’t that lovely…..

Understanding Preschooler's Emotions and Fears in Early Childhood Education

“Nothing in life is to be feared. 
It is only to be understood.” 

~Marie Curie

One frightened boy's story;

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp6h2JlDpzI

My parents used to talk me though many of my own fears. It is comforting to know there is a process to everything….even fears. As a Preschool Teacher I try to look at young preschooler’s fears and struggles logically and with empathy and compassion. Some situations call for thinking with the heart a bit more than the head…depending on the situation.

What I love about the word ‘understanding’ is it has the word ‘stand’ in it. I visualize a person simply standing….listening…being present and giving of their time. I really know how important that is to people because people pay others to do that for them. It’s called therapy.
This…I am not, of course…but talking kids through situations I do in fact do. Just like us, kids often have the answers but need encouragement, empowerment, and consolation. This often enables them to learn skills to encourage themselves and others.
What I love about working in early childhood education is that I do have opportunities to have conversations with preschoolers. I never really know what effect I will always have…I can only hope I am giving them a foundation for success that will last them a lifetime.

Humorous Things Preschoolers Say in Early Childhood Education

“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”
~Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943

Okay…..
Jack, a student in my preschool class, heard me say the word, “faux”.
And I am one that encourages creativity in my classroom…Oh, peaches and cream…I even make up words myself, sometimes….but I wasn’t sure where he was going with this one.
Jack is a child that speaks quite clearly, so when I heard him teaching another child to count their numbers I noticed his annunciation was off. I came over to investigate.
“One, two, three, faux, five, six…” Jack was counting sea shells with another child.
“Uh….Jack….”
“Yes, Ms. Barbra?”
“Would you count again, please, I would like to hear.”
“Sure. One, two, three, faux…”

“Uh, stop…”
“Ok.”
“Did you say four, (I annunciated my words) or faux?”
“Oh…I said faux (he annunciated his words).”
“Hmmm. I am wondering why you said that, Jack.”
“I like it better than ‘four’.”
“Oh…I see. Words can be fun, huh?”
“They are Ms. Barbra!”
“I’m glad you like words, Jack. Did you know that faux means fake, you know, like the play food in the house keeping area?”
“Oh. Well, I have been saying it all day.”
“Really? Tell me how?”
“Like………. I said to Liam, ‘you got a big faux head.’”
Okay…..don’t laugh….don’t laugh….don’t……..
“Jack that is not polite.”
“Sorry Ms. Barbra.”

It is not the culture in my preschool classroom for children to hurt one another's feelings. I am not sure if that was Jack’s intention but I had to be sure….of course, he apologized to Liam and Liam had no clue what Jack was talking about.
Amazing isn't it....
Kids just don't hold onto things like adults do...we have grievance policies, the EEOC, and Gloria Allred....

Have you had situations where kids had a certain amount of reasoning and explanation for why they did what they did?

Teasing in Early Childhood Education Settings

                   “Use what talents you possess; the woods 

would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” 

~Henry van Dyke

“Neener-Neener” seems to be the universal sound for teasing in early childhood education. Teasing isn’t allowed in the preschool environment I teach in. As far as I am concerned it’s right up there with a safety hazard (i.e. hitting, throwing, biting, etc.).
Teasing simply doesn’t allow anyone to feel safe or comfortable to be themselves.

We clap for all our efforts, skills and talents in the classroom. I hear random clapping throughout the day…sometimes I never really know why. It’s just become part of who we are.
What I love is that the children really 'know' the difference between encouragement and teasing. They have become troubleshooters and I often hear conversations regarding encouragement….or encouraging others.
“Good job, Jackie, you did it!” (Clapping)
OR
“Hey, be nice…he is still learning and you can clap or help him, Tommy!”
AND
“Who want's to give me a Hi-Five? I tied my shoe…kind-a-sort-a!”

Conflict Resolution in Early Childhood Education

“I don't have to ‘attend’ every

argument I'm invited to.”

~Anonymous

I overheard two children arguing in the reading area of the classroom. Normally I keep an ear open but by the shrill sound of one of their voices I knew trouble was bubbling like a seething cauldron.
A sat down casually with them and listened in on the argument.

“….oh yes she was!”
"Um-possible, um-possible, um-possible with sugar on top!"

 

“Boys?” They turned and finally noticed me. “Your voices are too loud. Tell me what the problem is, Jeffery.”
“Marko says you weren’t in my dream last night, Ms. Barbra…but you WERE, tell him!”
(Hmmmmmmm. I looked into his soft brown eyes…now what?)
“So….Marko….(ahem)……(AHEM). Why don’t you believe Jeffery?”
Marko shook his head, “It’s um-possible.”
“What’s impossible?”
“Teachers sleep at school…so how could you be in his dream? Marko explained.
“I see.” I said.
Now we were all thinking…..it got very quiet.
“Marko?”
“Yes, Ms. Barbra?”
“Well…you both are my friends. I really don’t want you both to fight about this. If Jeffery says he dreamed about me, then I believe him.”
“Oh….. all right….” Marko smiled.
“Thanks buddy.” Jeffery said.
I had to admit….I really didn’t know how that one was going to turn out. But I’m glad it’s okay…
Oh, and I didn’t correct them about certain ‘facts’-you noticed…
I kept the focus on them. They won’t go to college thinking I sleep at school…

5 Star Preschool Tantrum

“Do not teach your children never to be angry; 

teach them how to be angry.”

~Lyman Abbott

Just when all the planets are aligned and twirling in their orbits…a blood curdling scream is heard in the corner of the room.
Jeffery is throwing a tantrum. A juicy, delicious five star tantrum meant to rock everyone’s spinal cords. Okay….all the children know the drill.

1.This is not an emergency…no blood, no foul.
2.Go back to what you were doing…smiles everyone-smiles.
3.Like a sneeze-we don’t need stare, point, or discuss it…
The teacher will handle it if it’s messy.
When we all work together I noticed the tantruming behavior becomes less and less….till it eventually stops within the classroom.
At circle times, children will often ask certain kids why they “kick on the floor” or make comments about that ‘type of behavior’. I find it very interesting. In a round about way they are letting them know that this is not the norm. Peer pressure can be good….
in some ways…

A Spirited Child in Early Childhood Education

"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." ~Wilt Chamberlain

Anya is four going on forty and her parent called her a spirited child. She can not only write but recite her entire alphabet….to the chagrin of everyone around her- unfortunately.

Anya in the type of child if you were to tell her to “play” she would be utterly insulted. Everything must be…well, not only must it 'be'….must it must be just so….and not only just 'so'…it must be how she says so….ahem.
I loved the challenged. Yes…..Past Tense.
She was thrust into my lively preschool group upon her parent’s wishes. Amazing, the transformation that can take place when you allow a child to take some time to settle in…..
At first, all she insisted on doing was her alphabets. That was her comfort zone-her private space. I had the other children let her be till I saw she became interested in the room…this took time.
As spunky as she was, the kids in the class really wanted to get to know her. I stayed close and listened in on the conversations as they spoke to her.
They finally won her over….Here’s how the final ice breaking conversation went.

“Are you still doing that ABC stuff?” One child remarked.
Anya: “Yeah…I’m too good at it.” (Writing at the table)
“Hey, Anya wanna play?” Another child said.
Anya: “Always you kids bug me…I’m busy.”
“Why don’t you smile or something?” One child said.
Anya: (Getting agitated) “You don’t want me to get mad!”
“Maybe I do! Come on and play with us already!” Three children gathered with the first.
Anya: “Fine. I’ll play…only a-cause you won’t leave me alone.” (She laughed)

Getting Found

“The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself
in the service of others."

~ Ghandi

I am not too fond of whining. My mother claims I was whined as a child…..sorry, Mom-I feel you.
My mother gave me things to do. She kept me busy….I, in turn, keep a busy classroom.
It has been my experience that kids that whine either want attention from adults or may feel ill at ease with their own peers. Whatever the case, I work very hard on bonding and engaging them to focus and feel comfortable within the classroom. Usually, by making them a ‘helper’ within the classroom setting-they begin to feel empowered and build confidence while I work more closely with them. It’s amazing to see that as the school year progresses, so do they.
I have found that kids that were my ‘helpers’ in the beginning are more apt to take initiative helping others that seem a bit ‘lost’ within the classroom….it’s a beautiful situation.

The Last Push

Jenny was a ‘huggy’ type of girl. Usually, out of now where she would push someone down, too. Quite frankly, I think she was a cause-and-effect type of child. She enjoyed the trouble it caused and the effect of the attention she got….she had friends, though, and that was a good sign. By the time she was in my class preschool we were addressing the core issue of the problem.
“Sorry…that’s the last push…I won’t do’ed it no more, teacher Bah-Bah.” She would promise each time.
“You will come sit at the art table and make a card every time.” I explained.
Jenny had to make a special “I’m sorry” card to the child she pushed…I thought it slowed her down, helped her focus-she made quite a few of them……Then I overheard this touching conversation-and I changed my tactic.
At pick up time Jenny’s parents came to pick her up.
“I make’d three cards today!” Jenny boasted running to her parents.
“Gee, is that all? We’re so proud.” Said her father picking her up.
“Jenny, you have to do better…you know why, right?” Her mom said.
“Yeah…to get a little brother or sister.”
“When mommy had you,” her dad explained, “mommy said you were the “last push”…but we love you so much, we just have to have one more.”

The Honorable Mention: Kids Learning How To Go Green!

 “I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.”
~Elaine Dundy

Children were huffing and puffing on the frosty window and writing the alphabet with their fingertips. ‘Pricilla’, ‘the class reporter’, often reports mischief and any rule breaking going on in the class…..it has been my experience that every class has one-they can be a blessing and……..not…….one. Depending on whose perspective, I suppose. Normally I would ‘strategically position’ myself by them but I thought this would be an interesting scenario. I knew this particular group could handle themselves…I moved in just close enough to listen in on the conversation. This is how it went:
Pricilla: “You kids better stop writing on the window! You are only a-posed to write on paper! I’m telling!”

The three children looked at one another confused.
“What are you talkin’ bout Pricilla? It’s a window.” One child said.
“Yeah.” Another child chimed in.
Pricilla held her ground, “You’re only a-posed to write on paper, the teacher said!”
“Well we are saving paper by writing on the window-so there!” One child said as he continued to write on the window.
Pricilla put her nose up and walked over to the art area. She began to write on a piece of paper and taped it over the window. It read:
SAVE PAPR
RITE WIT FINGERTIPS